Hearing the Music

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HUG w/o RESSQ

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As we turn the corner from Advent and the promise of the Incarnation, we are reminded that we are still in-between, still longing for the second Advent when Christ will come again to make all things new.  (We are actually going to take up this theme of all things new a bit this Sunday with a look at Revelation 22:1-5) But being in between means that we still are fighting our battles and dealing with the effects of the fall as we await the final chapter of the story of renewal. We certainly have felt this reality acutely as a congregation of late. Of course, these pains are always with us: loss, cancer, chronic illness, old age, depression, divorce, racism, war, children orphaned, displaced people, and the list goes on and on.

But how do we engage a world with its pain? How do we best interact with those around us going through the deep waters of brokenness? How do we respond, both immediately and over time in ways that heal and bring life, rather than unintentionally causing further hurt and discouragement? I ask these questions because this is hard work, and it is not always easy to know how to respond to those in the midst of the struggle. We all know, from our own experiences, that some responses meet us just where we need to be met and bring life, while other responses, though well intended, seem to drain us. There are ways of responding that communicate affirmation that the individual in front of us is created in the image of God. These responses seek to listen with the heart and connect with the heart of others. Ultimately these responses re-clothe the vulnerabilities of others with grace.

But what does a grace-filled response look like? In the book of Job we are told the following: Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place,...  And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. (Job 2:11, 13) Now we know that ultimately Job's three friends become sort of synonymous with bad counsellors and not the sort of response that we would want to have. But their failure comes when they open their mouths. Here in chapter two all is well. As indicated above, a good responder sits with the hurting and listens.

Something that has been helpful to me in seeking to be a good listener (and I am still very much in the school of learning this art) is a mnemonic device used as the title of this update: HUG w/o RESSQ (Hug without Rescue): 

  • Hear - allow the hurting one to describe what is bothering them in their way and in their words without assuming you know what is going on.
  • Understand - listen past the words to the fears or potentially underlying hurt that is informing the experience of the hurting.  
  • Give Words to Grief - speak back words that demonstrate that you have heard your friend and you are with them.

When we are able to truly listen to those is pain, we give dignity those suffering, validate the wrongness of their pain, and offer grace that covers potential shame. But there are well intended ways that we often fall into when seeking to be good listeners/responders that are less helpful and sometimes even hurtful, especially in our earliest responses. I share these thoughts not to shame anyone who sees themselves in these five things to be cautious of, but rather that we might learn together how to care for one another better, from the narthex to our living rooms.

  • Reassure - we must be cautious not to make promises or give assurances that we simply can not be sure of. Sometimes as much as we hope that things will turn out OK in the end, they do not.  
  • Explain - This was a major part of the failure of Job's friends. They thought they had the answers as to why Job was suffering. They of course, could not fathom what was going on in the cosmic sphere, and most likely neither can you.
  • Solve - This is the trap of many good people. We see our friends hurting and we immediately want to ease their pain by providing solutions to problems real or imagined. Often we do these well intentioned things, because we want to do something. Most often just being is what is needed.
  • Share Your Own Story - Another trap that many fall into in an effort to help and connect with those who are hurting is sharing a story that is seemingly related and usually triumphant. At some point in the journey, these stories may be appropriate to share, but in the early stages they actually disconnect you from sharing the pain of your suffering friend by turning the attention from them to you or your friend or relative that your story highlights.  
  • Question Unnecessarily - Again, down the road there may be space to ask about insurance, housing accommodations, or other such mundane details.  But when connecting, the goal is to keep the person in view, unnecessarily questioning again diverts from that goal.

I have gone a bit longer this week, because as we turn to 2025, we have much in front of us that calls us "bear one another's burdens" (Galatians 6:2). In union with our Savior, who was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief (Is. 53:3), with the help of the Holy Spirit who can interpret our groanings (1 Cor. 2), we can truly be the body of Christ for one another!  

 

 

Expressing Our Unity

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This past week our Gracehill brother, Ben Seneker, encouraged the body there to “hold close to the teaching from Ephesians 4, 'walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.'” As America continues to polarize, this is such a timely word for us as members of the family of God, both within our local body and more corporately throughout our city and world.

One of the challenges that we have had to navigate with respect to maintaining unity has been the isolation brought on by Coronavirus. To that end the session would like to invite you to gather for worship at our parking lot services. Over the last two weeks as we have experimented with these services, we have found them be a good portal for gathering in a way that is both eminently safe and affords opportunity for important connections with our brothers and sisters in Christ. For those that may be in a higher risk category our FM transmitter allows you to stay in your car and access the service that way. For those more adventurous, setting out chairs and worshipping outside is been truly a wonderful way to fellowship with God and his people. As Michigan continues to open back up we have a team putting together protocols for a return the sanctuary, in the meantime we will continue to utilize these outdoor services. The weather looks beautiful for Sunday, so why don’t you make plans to join us at 9 or 10:30?  I hope that it goes without saying that we want you to make the best decision with regards to engaging these services for you and your family. We are continuing to produce the Home Worship Guide and will gladly welcome you back when the situation best allows. 

 

Photo by Wylly Suhendra on Unsplash

Rhetoric of Love

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If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.    
I Corinthians 13:1

 As I type this morning, reports are that soon Governor Whitmer will take to the airwaves and extend a stay at home order. This will be another in a series of pronouncements that extend from the Office of the President through state and local officials, even to leaders of the companies we work for and the churches we attend. As these decisions hit close to home and effect our freedoms, our livelihoods, the lives of those around us, the capacities of our healthcare system, etc…, we begin to form opinions. The next step we Americans often take is to exercise our right of free speech, and express those opinions, either via social media, around the dinner table (because we are eating home!), or even within the confines of our heart.

While I certainly endorse the right to free speech, my concern here is that we do not lose sight of our Christian duty to exercise that “right” in keeping with the very character of Christ. I am sure that many of you are dismayed by people that profess Christ, that we know to be Christians, attacking, ridiculing, and mocking political leaders who they disagree with. This pastime has no particular party affiliation and seemingly is done purely ad hominem, divorced from any reasoned argument or position. (Current favorites of opposing parties are President Trump (R) and Governor Whitmer (D)). This practice is frequently defended by Christians with an appeal to the character of the individual that they are attacking, insinuating that due to the moral or character failings of that individual, we are free to attack them.

I am going to be a little more strident here than I often am, and appeal to us all, as followers of Christ - we have to do better. Certainly the times that we live in are not worse than the conditions that the early church lived in and suffered under. Yet it was these believers that taught us to respect authority (Nero!, among others) because that authority has been placed there by God (Rom 13, I Peter 2). It was Paul, mistreated Paul, one who had his “rights” violated far more than any of us ever will, who taught us that if our speech lacks love, we are but a noisy gong or a clanging symbol (I Cor. 13:1). He went on to describe love as patient and kind, not given to envying or boasting. Love is not rude (I Cor. 13:4-5). Where did he learn this? He learned it from our Savior who taught us that when our rights are being violated (Jesus calls this persecution) that we are to bless those who persecute us and pray for those who violate us (cf. Luke 6:27-31). Jesus modeled this love for enemies both in his silence (Is. 53:7, Lk 23:9) and in his nail pierced prayer (Lk 23:34). It was this Spirit of Jesus that empowered Stephen as he was being unlawfully stoned to imitate his Savior in breathing grace toward those sinning against him (Acts 7:60). Is it any wonder why the early church spread like wildfire among both the nobles and the nobodies? It wasn’t because they were screaming the loudest. They didn’t capture hearts with their protests. Rather, it was a counter cultural effusion of love on which the church was built.

Friends, our hope is not in the government. Our identity is not in our rights. We live as those who stand in the presence of the Lord (I Kings 17:1). God is our refuge, a very present help in times of trouble (Ps. 46). The joy of the Lord is our strength (Neh. 8:10) May these very real and precious truths ground us in uncertain times. Let us be who we are in Christ!

PS — be sure to catch our upcoming podcast further exploring the Rhetoric of Love. 

Photo by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash

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