Diminisher or Illuminator?
Perhaps you know the story that is sometimes told of Jennie Jerome, who later became Winston Churchill’s mother. It’s said that when she was young, she dined with the British statesman William Gladstone and left thinking he was the cleverest person in England. Later she dined with Gladstone’s great rival, Benjamin Disraeli, and left that dinner thinking she was the cleverest person in England. It’s nice to be like Gladstone, but it’s better to be like Disraeli.
Such is the point made by David Brooks in his new book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. Brooks sees the world a little like this, "In every crowd there are Diminishers and there are Illuminators. Diminishers make people feel small and unseen. They see other people as things to be used, not as persons to be befriended. They stereotype and ignore. They are so involved with themselves that other people are just not on their radar screen. Illuminators, on the other hand, have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know what to look for and how to ask the right questions at the right time. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up."
My guess is that your mind started rifling through people in your sphere and began to place people in categories. It is not that diminshers are necessarily bad people, but we certainly know when we have been in the presence of an illuminator, and it is sweet. Perhaps you next started to give yourself a personal inventory. Am I a diminisher or an illuminator? Is it that black and white? What about specific interactions that I have had recently? Did people walk away thinking about me, or did they leave feeling better about themselves?
It probably is not as black and white as dividing the world into diminshers and illuminators. It is probably more fair to say that some among us tend toward the diminishing side, while others trend toward illuminating. It is probably even more accurate to acknowledge that over the course of any given day we have a multitude of interactions, some in which we diminish our neighbor, and others in which our neighbor is illuminated. While that is a bit discouraging, it is also encouraging, because it means we are not stuck in a category, we can grow! Brooks puts it this way, " Being an Illuminator, seeing other people in all their fullness, doesn’t just happen. It’s a craft, a set of skills, a way of life. Other cultures have words for this way of being. The Koreans call it nunchi, the ability to be sensitive to other people’s moods and thoughts. The Germans (of course) have a word for it: herzensbildung, training one’s heart to see the full humanity in another." If you really want to dig into acting more like an illuminator, I would recommend Brooks book. But for today, maybe it is enough to pay attention to our interactions aware of the possibility of diminishing or illuminating.
Let me make one last connection. The basis for all illuminating is the Gospel. The Gospel is the truth that Jesus as the only begotten Son of God allowed himself the ultimate diminishment so that we, his adopted daughters and sons, could be fully illuminated. This is the message of the book of Hebrews that we have been studying. It is the message of our passage this week as we come to chapter 12:18-24. In these verses the preacher increases the wattage of Gospel truth, so that his congregation might radiate all the confidence, love, peace, and joy that being known by God offers. How do you illuminate in a world of Roman oppression? By focusing on the deepest truths of the Gospel. How do you illuminate in a world of political divisions, mental health crisis, and relational breakdowns? By focusing on the deepest truths of the Gospel.
Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash